I get home from North Carolina on Sunday, and my husband has planned to have a pot roast. He makes the BEST pot roast (aside from my mother, more on that later). How kind and thoughtful of him. I talked him into pizza. He was disappointed, but gave in b/c he loves me and he didn't know quite when we would return. So the plan was Monday night...nope - class. Tuesday night...nope - forgot to put it in the crock-pot (woops). Wednesday night...nope - forgot again and then didn't have enough time to make it in the oven (did you KNOW it takes 2 hours to make a pot roast?!). By this time, we're a little concerned over the meat in our fridge and whether or not it will even turn out. Aaron is frustrated that we haven't had his favorite meal that we'd planned on for how many nights now...And then I start thinking about the fact that we have only had pot roast a handful of times in our marriage. And then I started thinking about the fact that Aaron has made all of those pot roasts. Why?! Who doesn't LOVE a perfectly moist pot roast with potatoes, carrots, onions with great seasoning...I know I certainly do.
But alas, all is well. We did have our pot roast. I got everything washed, cut up, seasoned to perfection and in the crockpot @ 10 a.m. Thursday. The plan was to eat before practice @ 7.
I was tinkering around the house all morning, but left in the afternoon for several hours. I walked into the house from being gone and BAM! It hit me like a brick wall. The aroma. And I immediately ached for my mom and my family and our old Nashville house when everything in life seemed difficult but really wasn't. Before the fire, before boyfriends, before siblings grew up and had families, before church drama, before my mortgage payment. Marmi is the best cook...seriously. I want to be just like her when I grow up. One of the meals she did best (especially on Sundays, but occasionally other times) was pot roast.
I realized that this is why I don't make pot roast...this aching feeling I have as I smell the aroma. Funny how God uses smells to remind us how much we love people. Funny the amount of emotion that can come from smelling something. I didn't mean to not make pot roast. Honestly, I didn't. I just...miss my family when we have it. Even as I sat down to eat it, I ached for my family. I tried to enjoy the moments with my new God-given family...Dillon trying to get the strings of beef out of his little teefers (that's what we call teeth), smiles and conversation we shared over dinner. But honestly, all I could think about was that large dining room table we had at the Nashville house, and how we would fight for a bench seat and who would have to fill up drinks. And the silly laughter and conversations...my dad is stinkin' hilarious, and I didn't appreciate it when I could have.
I miss my family. I hate being hundreds of miles away from them. And I probably won't make pot roast unless prompted, even though it's one of my husband's favorites (sorry, love).
Friday, July 30, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
The Joys of Parenting - Part 1
Okay - so I figured I'd blog more now that summer's here and I'm "off work." However, as it is slowly slipping away, I wanted to just make sure I had some memories written down (even if they're not-so-good memories).
Shots - I'm not mad, people, but WHY didn't someone tell me?! I was doing my best to stay composed for my little guy, but he was screaming his head off, and they were stabbing, and I had to hold him down, and he said "this is mean," and it was TERRIBLE. Just...terrible. I will never forget those moments. (Sorry for the run-on.)
Choking - I knew it was coming...my friend Kim is always worried b/c one of her children is a choker. But that moment...when Dillon was sticking his hand down his throat with panic in his eyes...It was a thinly sliced pickle, for goodness sake. But I went into Emergency Mode and we got it out, but for a few seconds there, I thought we were going to have to call 911. That was horrible. Aaron saw the whole thing happening from a parking lot and raced over just in time for D to catch his breath...but he had his phone out. I am so thankful that I had dealt with choking children before.
"Mommy, you play wif me?" - Each time he says this, it makes me stop and realize what's REALLY important is not having the counters cleaned off or the floors saved from potato chips. It's the imaginary conversations that Woody has with Buzz, and seeing how high we can build a tower. It's moving dirt from one spot in the yard to another with his uber-cool dump trucks and watching him run through the sprinkler. These are the memories that will forever be etched in his little brain nodules, and will always bring him a smile. I pray that I can be more mindful of this.
"I want a baby brudder like Caleb, Momma." - My friend, Belle, is having a baby very soon, and we have seen her several times since April. She has a 3 year old who is buddies with little D. This last time we went to stay, he just won't stop saying this. He informed Daddy, and is now helping us pray for a baby "brudder." We've been wanting a baby for a year and a half, but God has other plans. Dillon probably would have never come to our home if we had had a baby when we wanted to. And now, we are all 3 ready, and we're thinking that this 4 year old, to which all this "God stuff" is new, might have his prayers heard. Wouldn't THAT be fun?!
The mocking/mimicking - I have been a PreK teacher for 4 years, but worked with kids since I was...12?! I know all about this...that they do what they see, say what they hear. It's almost scary. But those moments when someone takes a toy from him, I see growth. What we're doing DOES matter. In the past, he would whine, cry, hit, etc. Now he says "That's mine, give it back." or "That was not nice. Don't do that again." He's showing a thankful attitude, especially when we pray, which helps us to know what our prayers sound like. He LOVES going to church, just as much as his Momma and Da-Da.
I just am...in awe. Being a parent is so very hard, so very draining. And yet, in these glimpses of God's goodness, I am so thankful...for the good moments and the tough ones. For the job at hand is so very rewarding...I never dreamed it would be THIS rewarding.
PS - I labeled this Part 1 b/c I figure there will be more of these as I learn...
Shots - I'm not mad, people, but WHY didn't someone tell me?! I was doing my best to stay composed for my little guy, but he was screaming his head off, and they were stabbing, and I had to hold him down, and he said "this is mean," and it was TERRIBLE. Just...terrible. I will never forget those moments. (Sorry for the run-on.)
Choking - I knew it was coming...my friend Kim is always worried b/c one of her children is a choker. But that moment...when Dillon was sticking his hand down his throat with panic in his eyes...It was a thinly sliced pickle, for goodness sake. But I went into Emergency Mode and we got it out, but for a few seconds there, I thought we were going to have to call 911. That was horrible. Aaron saw the whole thing happening from a parking lot and raced over just in time for D to catch his breath...but he had his phone out. I am so thankful that I had dealt with choking children before.
"Mommy, you play wif me?" - Each time he says this, it makes me stop and realize what's REALLY important is not having the counters cleaned off or the floors saved from potato chips. It's the imaginary conversations that Woody has with Buzz, and seeing how high we can build a tower. It's moving dirt from one spot in the yard to another with his uber-cool dump trucks and watching him run through the sprinkler. These are the memories that will forever be etched in his little brain nodules, and will always bring him a smile. I pray that I can be more mindful of this.
"I want a baby brudder like Caleb, Momma." - My friend, Belle, is having a baby very soon, and we have seen her several times since April. She has a 3 year old who is buddies with little D. This last time we went to stay, he just won't stop saying this. He informed Daddy, and is now helping us pray for a baby "brudder." We've been wanting a baby for a year and a half, but God has other plans. Dillon probably would have never come to our home if we had had a baby when we wanted to. And now, we are all 3 ready, and we're thinking that this 4 year old, to which all this "God stuff" is new, might have his prayers heard. Wouldn't THAT be fun?!
The mocking/mimicking - I have been a PreK teacher for 4 years, but worked with kids since I was...12?! I know all about this...that they do what they see, say what they hear. It's almost scary. But those moments when someone takes a toy from him, I see growth. What we're doing DOES matter. In the past, he would whine, cry, hit, etc. Now he says "That's mine, give it back." or "That was not nice. Don't do that again." He's showing a thankful attitude, especially when we pray, which helps us to know what our prayers sound like. He LOVES going to church, just as much as his Momma and Da-Da.
I just am...in awe. Being a parent is so very hard, so very draining. And yet, in these glimpses of God's goodness, I am so thankful...for the good moments and the tough ones. For the job at hand is so very rewarding...I never dreamed it would be THIS rewarding.
PS - I labeled this Part 1 b/c I figure there will be more of these as I learn...
Sunday, May 9, 2010
My First Mother's Day
It's the end of my first mother's day...my very first mother's day. All these years...wishing I could be getting a carnation during church service (or in the Brown County days, the Lucas' plants!). All these years...wondering when I would get to be a mommy and celebrate this day.
And here it is. I'm approaching the end of it and reflecting on the gift that it was. Aaron has set the bar pretty high. No cleaning and cooking for this momma...also, this beautiful Willow Tree Angel given to me by my boys. Dillon's exact words were "This is Mommy and Dillon." He was so proud of it. Aaron took me to El Rodeo for lunch (my fave) and made my favorite foods for dinner...yummo! He pretty much just treated me like a princess.
And then I have this amazing mom. I can reflect on life with her and see how her character, determination, stamina, and motivations have shaped me and helped me be who I am. There were days in my youth (possibly and mostly adolescence) when I wasn't very nice to her...and yet, she continued to love me unconditionally. She was always there with great, healthy meals, lots of interesting activities (and no, I'm still not thrilled about the time she dragged us to the "monk"estary), and was there for every event I ever remember having at school. She made birthdays and holidays very special, and she is an amazing and award winning bread maker. 2 more things about her and I'll shut up...1) She never yelled at me. I never remember her raising her voice. I never felt be-littled by her and the way she treated me in public. 2) She knew her Bible...read it in front of us, read it with us, shared stories, memories, and thoughts about it.
As I reflect on my first mother's day...just one day short of 4 weeks into being an "insta-mom" to this amazing 4 year old, I want to be like my mom. I want to love and live on the Word of God. I want to never yell at my child. I want to honor them, be there for them, cook healthy meals (and yummy bread) for them. I want to make birthdays a big deal (not necessarily with presents but with enthusiasm and love). I want to be like my momma.
And so - the ultimate shout-out to my mom...a beautiful soul who has lived without her mom for so many years and yet turned out to be the best one I've ever seen. Someone who's sketchers I am not worthy to put on my feet (though they're like...5 sizes too small anyway). I love you, Marmi Jo...you are my rock. Thank you for loving me and my brudders and sister with all that you have. I wanna be just like you when I grow up. :-)
Also - shout-out to my husband who has made this day especially memorable with his words of kindness, deeds, and planning. And a very big shout-out to my new son, whom I adore. Look at those eyes...how can you resist?
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Book Thoughts: "The Shack" (Young)
So, I've been working on this book for 8 weeks. Not sure why it's taken me so long to get into it. It might be because it requires 100% concentration and thought process, unlike other fiction I often wrap myself into.
Today I finished it. And I want to write about it and commit to re-reading it again soon. What a message. What a vivid display of the God-trio - Father, Son, Spirit. A journey of a broken man, his journey to forgiveness and wholeness, and the way it affects the rest of his life and the people he loves.
The first time through, here are the things that were meaningful to me:
~"If anything matters, then everything matters." I mean, really...think about it.
~"I'm especially fond of you." - God, Jesus, Sarayu (the Holy Spirit) This was something that was said so many times. Almost as if the author wanted to make sure the readers closed the book and knew without a shadow of doubt that they were loved by God.
~Whether we like it, know it, talk about it, or experience it...other people's past relationships (good and bad) follow them and affect them for the rest of their lives (unless, of course, true wholeness is provided through forgiveness).
~We have a lot of misconceptions about God. Things that aren't necessarily in the Bible and aren't necessarily true. I realize this was a fiction book, but it has opened my eyes a little bit.
~Forgiveness is more for the one forgiving and not as much about the one that is forgiven. Did I know this? If not, how come? Why has this never been spoken this simply. It makes total sense to me, and maybe it will help me to forgive...maybe I can let go of some things?
Anyway - that's all for now, but I'm telling you...that book is read-worthy. It's fiction, but God may speak to you through it.
Today I finished it. And I want to write about it and commit to re-reading it again soon. What a message. What a vivid display of the God-trio - Father, Son, Spirit. A journey of a broken man, his journey to forgiveness and wholeness, and the way it affects the rest of his life and the people he loves.
The first time through, here are the things that were meaningful to me:
~"If anything matters, then everything matters." I mean, really...think about it.
~"I'm especially fond of you." - God, Jesus, Sarayu (the Holy Spirit) This was something that was said so many times. Almost as if the author wanted to make sure the readers closed the book and knew without a shadow of doubt that they were loved by God.
~Whether we like it, know it, talk about it, or experience it...other people's past relationships (good and bad) follow them and affect them for the rest of their lives (unless, of course, true wholeness is provided through forgiveness).
~We have a lot of misconceptions about God. Things that aren't necessarily in the Bible and aren't necessarily true. I realize this was a fiction book, but it has opened my eyes a little bit.
~Forgiveness is more for the one forgiving and not as much about the one that is forgiven. Did I know this? If not, how come? Why has this never been spoken this simply. It makes total sense to me, and maybe it will help me to forgive...maybe I can let go of some things?
Anyway - that's all for now, but I'm telling you...that book is read-worthy. It's fiction, but God may speak to you through it.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
While I'm Waiting
I have wanted to be a mommy since I was...I don't know...4. :-) Those of you who have known me this long know that - even then, I was bossy and had everything ALL planned out. I treated my poor siblings like they were my children (and maybe still do - Sorry, guys!). I started babysitting a 3 year old and set of newborn twins when I was only 13. So...I just...I can't get enough of children.
There's this little boy...his name is Dillon. He's in my classroom, and he's a foster child. (B/c of that, I will be unable to post pictures or give any more details about him online. Email me if you want pics :-) In October 2009, Aaron and I jumped at a chance to "adopt" the little guy...it's a LONG story (you know how my stories tend to be), but one laced with God's timing and goodness. We had the privilege of keeping him for a whole week last week while his foster parents had some personal matters to tend to.
It was fun to "play Mommy" for real. It was tiring. It was fulfilling. It was fun. It was busy. It was full of answering questions and singing lots of silly songs. It was full of smiles and hugs. And I could NOT get enough.
Sending him home was one of the hardest things I had ever done. I have struggled at times to keep my emotions under control (I know this is very difficult for some of you to see in me :-). This is going to happen soon...sooner than I can know, but it will. And we can't wait. We will "foster" him for 6 months and then petition to adopt him, and he'll be all our until the end of time. We can't wait (have I mentioned that yet?).
As I was pulling away from his foster parent's home after dropping him off, I was bawling (as you know I would be)...and this song was on the radio. God is so good to give me songs in the exact moment I need them.
I don't know what you're waiting on. I know people waiting on all sorts of things...a job, a career, an education, houses, a bill to be paid, love, money, etc. But man, this song...it has helped me so many times today just stop and worship in those moments when I start to waiver and ask God what's going on and why things aren't happening when I WANT them to. I trust my God. He has this all planned out. We have already seen His hand in so many things and ways this has all worked out so far; He has never failed me yet. We truly want His will.
I've posted the words to the song, as well as the YouTube video below. Enjoy and be blessed.
While I'm Waiting - John Waller
YouTube Video
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord
There's this little boy...his name is Dillon. He's in my classroom, and he's a foster child. (B/c of that, I will be unable to post pictures or give any more details about him online. Email me if you want pics :-) In October 2009, Aaron and I jumped at a chance to "adopt" the little guy...it's a LONG story (you know how my stories tend to be), but one laced with God's timing and goodness. We had the privilege of keeping him for a whole week last week while his foster parents had some personal matters to tend to.
It was fun to "play Mommy" for real. It was tiring. It was fulfilling. It was fun. It was busy. It was full of answering questions and singing lots of silly songs. It was full of smiles and hugs. And I could NOT get enough.
Sending him home was one of the hardest things I had ever done. I have struggled at times to keep my emotions under control (I know this is very difficult for some of you to see in me :-). This is going to happen soon...sooner than I can know, but it will. And we can't wait. We will "foster" him for 6 months and then petition to adopt him, and he'll be all our until the end of time. We can't wait (have I mentioned that yet?).
As I was pulling away from his foster parent's home after dropping him off, I was bawling (as you know I would be)...and this song was on the radio. God is so good to give me songs in the exact moment I need them.
I don't know what you're waiting on. I know people waiting on all sorts of things...a job, a career, an education, houses, a bill to be paid, love, money, etc. But man, this song...it has helped me so many times today just stop and worship in those moments when I start to waiver and ask God what's going on and why things aren't happening when I WANT them to. I trust my God. He has this all planned out. We have already seen His hand in so many things and ways this has all worked out so far; He has never failed me yet. We truly want His will.
I've posted the words to the song, as well as the YouTube video below. Enjoy and be blessed.
While I'm Waiting - John Waller
YouTube Video
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord
Monday, January 25, 2010
Fruits of the Spirit
Pastor Ed talked about the fruits of the spirit at church yesterday. I've been thinking about them anyway...sometimes I find myself being so very ugly (to my husband, to people I love, or even in my heart of hearts - that no one but God sees). Seems like this is the new thing God is teaching me.
You see, I know all about the fruits. I have them written on my heart...I don't remember a time of not knowing them. I know that a person who loves God and lives in the Spirit HAS them...or at least is working on growing them. And yet...14 years into my spiritual walk, and I still have a long way to go on most of them.
Love - Boy, do I like to think I have it. And I do. It's not an emotion...it's a trait. I'm learning that slowly. But boy, do I need it NOW more than ever...in my home, in my classroom, in my marriage, with my family, with my co-workers, with strangers...Can they tell I have love?
Joy - There's another one. I sure would like to think I have it. Maybe sometimes I do. I used to be terribly (as in a good thing) optimistic....not so much anymore. Now I'm more of a realist. But with this new...I don't know...outlook, some of the joy is just sucked right out. But the truth is - I need joy...gotta have it. It should quite literally spill out of me. Maybe it does. But not all the time. He's gonna have to grow it back. Do people who have known me forever wonder where my joy has gone? Do people that know me now see my joy?
Peace - Now, this one...I'm really working on. Well, He's really working on. It's my life theme this year. It's what I am overall trying to learn above all else. And the song "Be Still" by Hillsong is the song of my heart. It's overflowing. And I really, truly, desire to have peace in all areas of my life. I truly want to live with less stress, more seeking, more understanding of what's really important. And to truly "ride" along with Jesus and understand, above all else, that He is God and I am but a broken vessel that needs to share Him with others. To look up in the middle of the storm, be still, and KNOW that He is God.
Patience - I'll be honest with you about patience. I feel as if I have a lot of patience. I deal with twenty 3, 4, & 5 year olds for 7 hours straight every day (and LOVE it, by the way). I can handle that. Sometimes in my personal life, though...I need patience. I need patience as I long to be a mommy. I need patience as we try to get rid of all our debt in order to live life Christ-like. I need patience with my husband, who is nothing but patient with me. I need patience with timing. I need patience when I don't understand. I think all of that goes with the peace thing God is working on in me.
Kindness - I mean...we all hope we're kind. Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm very kind to my enemies. I definately don't go above or beyond the call of duty with them. I'm not hateful...but am I kind? Am I always kind to Aaron? Am I always what he needs me to be? Am I critical in all the wrong times/places?
Goodness - I always wondered what exactly Paul meant by this word. After all, don't we all hope we find ourselves on the right side of "good?" Eugene Peterson (in the Message) uses the phrase "a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people" to describe "goodness." I sure hope I have that. I certainly have a goal to have that (if nothing else).
Faithfulness - Yea, I'm faithful! I go to church weekly (x3ish). I read my Bible every day. I write in my Tjourn (Thankfulness Journal). I call my mom every day. I love my husband and wouldn't even look at another man. In my spiritual life, though...am I committed? Am I over-committed? Do I follow through? Do I do what I say I'm going to do? Do we, as people of God, "guilt" our way into "committing" to things in the heat of the moment (or question or expectation)? Do we mean what we say and say what we mean? Do we give to God before...you know...others or ourselves? I don't know...I want to examine myself intensely in this area. I want to be called "faithful." Won't it be neat one day? "Well done, my good and faithful servant."
Self-Control - Now this one...this is a toughie. I clearly do not have self control, though I long for it on a daily, hourly, sometimes momentary basis. I have 100 pounds to lose (10 at a time, over the course of years). But in the process of that is a re-wiring of my brain....of the relationship I have with food...of the unhealthy way I idolize good tastes in my mouth. This is where I need self-control. And this is where I will come out a different and better person in the end of this journey. Because one day, I will proudly say that I do have self-control. And until that day, I am seeking.
And so - I will seek. I will continue in my hunger for the Word. I will keep asking God to speak to me. I will be more conscious of the way I treat people, especially those closest to me.
You see, I know all about the fruits. I have them written on my heart...I don't remember a time of not knowing them. I know that a person who loves God and lives in the Spirit HAS them...or at least is working on growing them. And yet...14 years into my spiritual walk, and I still have a long way to go on most of them.
Love - Boy, do I like to think I have it. And I do. It's not an emotion...it's a trait. I'm learning that slowly. But boy, do I need it NOW more than ever...in my home, in my classroom, in my marriage, with my family, with my co-workers, with strangers...Can they tell I have love?
Joy - There's another one. I sure would like to think I have it. Maybe sometimes I do. I used to be terribly (as in a good thing) optimistic....not so much anymore. Now I'm more of a realist. But with this new...I don't know...outlook, some of the joy is just sucked right out. But the truth is - I need joy...gotta have it. It should quite literally spill out of me. Maybe it does. But not all the time. He's gonna have to grow it back. Do people who have known me forever wonder where my joy has gone? Do people that know me now see my joy?
Peace - Now, this one...I'm really working on. Well, He's really working on. It's my life theme this year. It's what I am overall trying to learn above all else. And the song "Be Still" by Hillsong is the song of my heart. It's overflowing. And I really, truly, desire to have peace in all areas of my life. I truly want to live with less stress, more seeking, more understanding of what's really important. And to truly "ride" along with Jesus and understand, above all else, that He is God and I am but a broken vessel that needs to share Him with others. To look up in the middle of the storm, be still, and KNOW that He is God.
Patience - I'll be honest with you about patience. I feel as if I have a lot of patience. I deal with twenty 3, 4, & 5 year olds for 7 hours straight every day (and LOVE it, by the way). I can handle that. Sometimes in my personal life, though...I need patience. I need patience as I long to be a mommy. I need patience as we try to get rid of all our debt in order to live life Christ-like. I need patience with my husband, who is nothing but patient with me. I need patience with timing. I need patience when I don't understand. I think all of that goes with the peace thing God is working on in me.
Kindness - I mean...we all hope we're kind. Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm very kind to my enemies. I definately don't go above or beyond the call of duty with them. I'm not hateful...but am I kind? Am I always kind to Aaron? Am I always what he needs me to be? Am I critical in all the wrong times/places?
Goodness - I always wondered what exactly Paul meant by this word. After all, don't we all hope we find ourselves on the right side of "good?" Eugene Peterson (in the Message) uses the phrase "a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people" to describe "goodness." I sure hope I have that. I certainly have a goal to have that (if nothing else).
Faithfulness - Yea, I'm faithful! I go to church weekly (x3ish). I read my Bible every day. I write in my Tjourn (Thankfulness Journal). I call my mom every day. I love my husband and wouldn't even look at another man. In my spiritual life, though...am I committed? Am I over-committed? Do I follow through? Do I do what I say I'm going to do? Do we, as people of God, "guilt" our way into "committing" to things in the heat of the moment (or question or expectation)? Do we mean what we say and say what we mean? Do we give to God before...you know...others or ourselves? I don't know...I want to examine myself intensely in this area. I want to be called "faithful." Won't it be neat one day? "Well done, my good and faithful servant."
Self-Control - Now this one...this is a toughie. I clearly do not have self control, though I long for it on a daily, hourly, sometimes momentary basis. I have 100 pounds to lose (10 at a time, over the course of years). But in the process of that is a re-wiring of my brain....of the relationship I have with food...of the unhealthy way I idolize good tastes in my mouth. This is where I need self-control. And this is where I will come out a different and better person in the end of this journey. Because one day, I will proudly say that I do have self-control. And until that day, I am seeking.
And so - I will seek. I will continue in my hunger for the Word. I will keep asking God to speak to me. I will be more conscious of the way I treat people, especially those closest to me.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Being Still
So, recently, in my devotions with Patsy Lewis (who is WONDERFUL, by the way), I have been challenged to pick a theme for the upcoming year...this was 2 months ago. I thought about it and prayed about it, and it has been an interesting challenge. By theme, Patsy explained that it was an overall arching theme that God will hopefully use to stretch and teach us throughout the year.
A series of conversations, other devotionals, a Sunday School debate at a church I was visiting, and a Christmas sermon, I have felt the need to learn to "be still." In Psalms (46 to be exact), the writer is calling on God...telling that He is his refuge, strength, and no matter WHAT happens that God is God. He hears the voice of God saying "Be still and know that I am God." and then the voice continues - something I'd never noticed before - and says "I WILL be exalted among the nations. I WILL be exalted in the earth." (emphasis mine) It's a little promise that means EVERYTHING. In the midst of life...in the midst of storms crashing...in the midst of not understanding what is going on, my God WILL be exalted...
Being still is not natural for many of us, present company included. Why is that? Aaron teases me b/c I like to "do stuff" (laundry, crafts, fixing stuff, reading mags) WHILE we're relaxing...What's up with that? Why am I like that? Why is sitting still almost considered wrong in my mind? I do think we are all wired differently, and I tend to be more high strung, but is that just an excuse?
I'm a part of this amazing Bible Study at my church...God is using it to change my entire life. And I am learning that sometimes you just need to "be still" and listen or write or read in order to fully GET what I need to get. However, I am feeling led to extend this further and add one of the fruits of the Spirit into the mix - Peace.
Again - not a trait that comes by naturally. I realize it's a fruit of the Spirit and it will grow as we walk with the Holy Spirit, but sometimes I wonder how much I don't let that one grow. I'm not a worrier by any means. I don't understand worrying. And I always feel the need to tell people who worry that God is in control and to have peace. However, as my husband and those close to me would tell you, I need peace. I need peace in my thoughts. I need peace in my relationships. I need peace in my storm. I need peace down to my core.
And so, here I am...finally starting the blog I've wanted to start for a year. Taking time to share thoughts just in case someone wants to read them. May you "be still" and have peace that passes understanding.
A series of conversations, other devotionals, a Sunday School debate at a church I was visiting, and a Christmas sermon, I have felt the need to learn to "be still." In Psalms (46 to be exact), the writer is calling on God...telling that He is his refuge, strength, and no matter WHAT happens that God is God. He hears the voice of God saying "Be still and know that I am God." and then the voice continues - something I'd never noticed before - and says "I WILL be exalted among the nations. I WILL be exalted in the earth." (emphasis mine) It's a little promise that means EVERYTHING. In the midst of life...in the midst of storms crashing...in the midst of not understanding what is going on, my God WILL be exalted...
Being still is not natural for many of us, present company included. Why is that? Aaron teases me b/c I like to "do stuff" (laundry, crafts, fixing stuff, reading mags) WHILE we're relaxing...What's up with that? Why am I like that? Why is sitting still almost considered wrong in my mind? I do think we are all wired differently, and I tend to be more high strung, but is that just an excuse?
I'm a part of this amazing Bible Study at my church...God is using it to change my entire life. And I am learning that sometimes you just need to "be still" and listen or write or read in order to fully GET what I need to get. However, I am feeling led to extend this further and add one of the fruits of the Spirit into the mix - Peace.
Again - not a trait that comes by naturally. I realize it's a fruit of the Spirit and it will grow as we walk with the Holy Spirit, but sometimes I wonder how much I don't let that one grow. I'm not a worrier by any means. I don't understand worrying. And I always feel the need to tell people who worry that God is in control and to have peace. However, as my husband and those close to me would tell you, I need peace. I need peace in my thoughts. I need peace in my relationships. I need peace in my storm. I need peace down to my core.
And so, here I am...finally starting the blog I've wanted to start for a year. Taking time to share thoughts just in case someone wants to read them. May you "be still" and have peace that passes understanding.
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