Tuesday, August 23, 2011

First Day of School Blues...

I used to be on the other side of the door.

As the teacher, I pried children off parents, telling them they will be just fine and will have a great day. "You just wait and see," I would say. I saw mom's break down, drop & run, snoop (stick around much longer than needed), and I saw my share of silent tears, as well.

I didn't think I'd struggle. I've been needing a "break." Working and being mom and trying to balance hasn't been working terribly well (yet), mostly because he has to be there. {Try being productive with a hyper-active 5 year old on your heels...it's NUTS!} Add to our crazy equation...a week stretch where Daddy has to work a LOT extra. Not only did D struggle with that, so did Momma. I needed a break.

My Mister is so good about giving me a break when I need one (if he's able). And so I got several breaks this weekend.

But then this morning, as we walked to school, I was chastising myself. I should have enjoyed a few more summer hours with my sweet boy before shipping him off for 7 hours a day. I coulda just waited for my 7 hour break. And then reality hit me that I am not going to be there all day with him. Every day. For, like, 180some days.

180 days of not knowing what he REALLY eats for lunch.
180 days of wondering if he's going to break a limb (for he's not only accident-proned, but also just quick to action, slow to think.)
180 days of hoping and praying that he's standing up for those being bullied.
180 days of praying that he's not BEING bullied (or being the bullier, too, I suppose).
180 days of someone else calming his fears and insecurities for those hours in the day.
180 days of someone else seeing his lightbulb go off and watching him learn new things.

Ugh. I've never quite felt like this before. Now, more than ever, I want to spend every minute with him, soaking up his sweetness and hilarity. And so I did. After school. We were quite inseparable for those 5 short hours together. How fair is that?! (Not at all.)

I'm not one to worry. I don't really believe in worrying, and those who worry REALLY bother me. But I'm not gonna lie...in those 15-20 (possibly 30) minutes where I was having a breakdown once we got home, I mighta been a bit of a worrier. God & my Mister calmed my fears and my unknowns {and truth be told, my lack of control}.

And now, here I am. Wide awake (since I slept for many hours today) and wishing my D was awake with me. I can't wait to see him tomorrow.

A chuckle worthy moment from this past week.
Me: "Sweet D, I'm gonna miss you. You're going to be at school for a long time. What am I gonna do without you?" D: "It okay, Mom. I won't miss you. I be having fun at sool." {At least he's honest. And excited about school. I love that.}


Can you tell he's excited to be there?!

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