Thursday, November 11, 2010

A Kick in the Gut

Just yesterday, I was in tears on my couch telling my husband about how I miss working, even though I know it's in the best interest of my 4 year old to stay with him.

A year ago, I would have never dreamed of actually getting to be a momma (especially the instant kind). And here I am, 7 months into this journey. My son will have my last name soon, but for now, we spend countless hours singing, reading, playing, hugging, running, shouting, building, and loving.

Just last year, I had a whole classroom that I decorated and kept clean and ran as smooth as a whistle (if there is such a thing as "smooth" in PreK). I had friends who worked beside me all day every day. They supported me and lifted me up. We laughed every single day. We shared stories, struggles, and triumphs. They were not only my friends, but they were constantly affirming me and helping me to be a better teacher.

And now it's just me and D...and though I love it, I miss teaching.

Enter my newest obsession - blogging. Not so much mine, but reading other people's. There are some crazy creative people out there. Seriously. And I can sit for hours and read random stranger's blogs, their thoughts, ideas, crafts, d-i-y projects, and other mommy-ness. And I feel a part of some community, be it very shallow and full of strangers.

However, today I had a divine appointment with my new favorite blog, I Can Teach My Child! Somehow I feel I might be related to this chick. We're very much the same. And she just wrote this blog about approval. It.Hit.Home.

And though I must hit the proverbial "sack" now, I want to share the verse that kicked me in the gut tonight from my bloggy world:

"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." -Galatians 1:10

This is so not about me. It never is. And I have my little pity parties on the couch, fully equipped with tears and a truly sad heart (it was pitiful, I'm tellin' ya). But that's me shining through. Yucky, old, selfish and gross me.

I needed a kick in the gut tonight, God. Perspectives that help me focus on You and You alone are just what one needs at times. Thank you...

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