My productive moments...

I never intended to give her a bowl, fork, and mashed taties. It just...happened. And then I got distracted. And then there was silence.

For you see, like most mommas, my productive moments with a 13 month old are as follows: eat time (sometimes) & sleep time...

And that's it.

However, today, while I was fluttering about putting things away from our weekend of living in the woods, I was missing a BIG learning moment for my sweets. She fed herself with a utensil! Independence at it's best!

And so the rest of my "productive time" was spent cheering her on, telling her how proud of her I was, and giggling with her!

{God, help me to see with both eyes, even though I'm trying to keep a house up. Thanks for not letting me miss this moment. Thank you for my Baby R, and what a gift she is.}

This love

We Keathleys have a lot going on. Just...too much to even think about in a single day, it seems. Sometimes I feel that we will be crushed under the weight of it all.

Thankfully, even in those moments of darkness, I have a whispered promise, directly from God's heart:

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexted, but not in depair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." ~2 Corinthians 4:8-9~

I had to look up the reference, but I KNOW those words. They are hidden in my heart. From years of Sunday School, Bible Quizzing, and studying, reading, reflecting on the Words of Life.

And so...in this moment...

• I am thankful that I'm not the only one who has felt this way. {Thank you, God, for the words of Paul that help me remember.}
• I am thankful for this Word hidden in my heart...this silent promise of hope, if only I should listen. {Thank you, God, for your Word. Thank you, Marmi & Daddy, various Sunday School & Bible Quizzing, Small Group, Pastors and Devotional Leaders, for helping me hide it there. I had NO idea how meaningful it would be one day.}
• I am thankful that I, too, now have this great responsibility to hide Truth into my children's heart. {Thank you, God, for my 2 biggest gifts you have ever given me. Please help me to love them as you would have me.}

And I will...hide truth in them. Because life is hard. And really, it's sad sometimes. But God is good. And this hope we have is all that I have to hold on to sometimes.

I am thankful for something else today.

 These kids adore each other more than I could have ever taught them to. I've said it before, and I'll say it again...Big D just surprises me with his love for Baby R.

While families have to cope with sibling rivalry {I realize it may be coming}, he just...wants to make her happy. All. The. Time. And he'll do anything to make her giggle. And "bubba" is her favorite word.

This love...is what I'm thankful for.

I know it's hard...

Dear Dillon:

Sweet child of my heart. When I met you, you quite literally changed my world forever. I had no idea what impact your little snotty-nosed, hyper-active, happier-than-happy little self would have on me.

But here I am...4 (plus) years from meeting you, and 3 (plus) years of you changing my name to "Momma."

I ache for you. It hurts my heart that I haven't been there for all your moments. It makes me anxious that I don't know all the trouble you saw before I ever came around. I long to just hold you in my arms and somehow morph it right out of you.

You have so much joy. You have so much sheer excitement. You love people. You love church and church friends more than I could have ever hoped. You surprise me every day by how much you love your sister. I realize it may not always be like this, but you have just really surprised me with your adoration for her.

And now, in the 2nd full month of 1st grade, we're seeing how hard this is for you. I've feared this all along. As your first teacher, I saw you struggle {and yet thrive} with new language and literacy, and I wondered if this would happen.

As I saw tears roll down your face yesterday, trying with all your might to read, my heart ached for you. It broke. And all the momma in me wanted to fix it...quick-like. But I can't.

It's hard. I know it's hard. Reading is hard. Learning is hard.

But don't give up. Just around the corner it will click for you. Or you'll remember a word from last week. And your confidence will build up, and even though it'll still be hard, it won't SEEM as hard.

The truth is...I know it's hard. But I also know you can do it. Don't give up. Don't stop trying. And don't stop believing that you CAN do this.

I love you all the way around the world {and then some},
Momma

Been a While...

Sure has been a while.

I miss blogging. I miss writing. I miss crafting.

I have GOT to get back into the things that bring me joy.

I'm going on my first vacation since I got this job. Missed a couple Sundays, worked a lot from home, but never {ever} made myself {as} unavailable {as a Children's Director can be}.

I have many things planned for my time off. Mostly cleaning (my house is just...filthy in the crevices). Hoping for some thrifting & crafting. Have a few fun things planned with the munchkins and have a few friend moments worked in so far. Not to mention the ever-popular Williamson camping extravaganza @ the end of the week!

Here goes nothin'...one more work day before the big week! Maybe I'll start blogging again...

The Hard Questions

As an adoptee, I have a billion questions. Some are deep, some...not so much. Some are important; others are not. But they're still there until they get answered. I love that as an adoptive momma, I know the questions my kids are going to have.

But hear me...as much as I love this, I also dread it. Because I know the hard things they're going to think, believe, go through. And to make matters worse, we know details about certain happenings in Big D's life pre-foster care...and to know it is hard, but to share it with him (eventually, when it's age appropriate and if he cares) will be harder still.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm really cut out for this.

Like recently. Big D's been obsessed with "kidnapping." He's had bad dreams. He's had dreams that his sister was kidnapped. I'm thankful he can talk about these things, but scared to death of where he comes up with it. We don't allow violent/scary anything in our home/tv/video games, etc. He just can't handle it. He can't even watch Scooby Doo anymore b/c he has bad dreams about monsters and ghosts. We don't know the actual evil he's encountered in the 4 years before us, and he just can't handle it. Some kids can. My kid can't.

{And before I get on a soapbox about it...isn't it a blessing that we don't have to raise our children the way "society" thinks we should? Seriously. Why would we put bad images in our children's mind before they're ready for them?}

Back to the kidnapping. For weeks, he's been randomly questioning the Mr & I...usually when we're alone with him, and when it's down time. We have been racking our brains...really puzzled as to where this came from. Who has he been with? What kinds of things were talked about? What images has he seen/heard/played/talked about when I wasn't around?

We have talked about it, prayed about it, and we can't figure it out.

Today, as he asked me a new question...the worst one so far...I realized it was from me. It was me, in my paranoia....which is a story for another day. In short, as I stood up for our rights as a family {not realizing he was even listening}, I relayed some of my fears. One of my biggest fears is my children being kidnapped by birth parents. {It makes me want to move to the North Pole or Australia...as far away as possible.}

But he heard me. And now my biggest fear has been transferred to my son.


As I hid my tears from him today, I realized...this is just the beginning of the hard questions. 

Days like today...

I've had a couple rough weeks. And by rough, I mean...really r o u g h. I'm going to spare you the details, but it seems no matter which way I turn, it's not finished or working. Or plans fall through (a g a i n). Or all my planning is null & void because of this reason or that. Or the kids are just...not cooperating with the busyness I find myself in (what kid would?).

But today...it tops the cake. Really.

My first draft of this blog was just...complaint after complaint of all the stinky belongings of this day. But after thought and prayer, I deleted it. Cuz who wants to read someone's blog where they just complain? {Not I, so why would you?}

The good news: both kids are in bed. It's 8:33 p.m. Mister is at a concert in town. I have the (hot) house all to myself, and I'm REFUSING to do housework.

So I'm going to go find myself the best Book known to man and settle in for a bit. There's no other place I'd rather be.

And to be clear - I'm so thankful that there aren't more days like today in life...

And to help us all, a little reminder...

Building 429 - Where I Belong (Official Music Video) from building-429 on GodTube.

My Cup Runneth Over...

I'm not going to lie to you. 2012 has not been kind to my family (as I had hoped). We've been in what we Christians like to call "a valley."

I didn't talk about it much, mostly because it makes people uncomfortable. And the truth is, we're all going through rough times {at least that's what I gather in adult life}. There's always something to dive into prayer about.

For now, though, as huge prayers have been answered, I'd like to just be thankful.

• Thank you, God, for loving me {Jeremiah 31:3}
• Thank you, God, for being my refuge {Psalm 119:114}
• Thank you for a husband who takes the job of "Daddy" seriously.
• Thank you that my kids adore each other.
• Thank you that Baby R cries for me sometimes.
• Thank you that Big D misses me when I'm gone.
• Thank you for this adorable little abode I get to preside in.
• Thank you for our church family, who loves the Keathleys more than we deserve. Thank you for providing for us through some of the saints that go to DFCotN.
• Thanks for Mr's new job! You not only answered prayers, but you gave me specific things I asked for {no nights & weekends, no retail}! You are good! {Psalm 119:68}
• Thank you for the memories we have made while Mr was off work. Thank you for special moments and for how close we have become. Thank you for teaching us to rely on You above all else.
• Thank you for sweet Baby R's giggle.

• Thank you for teaching us what NOT to do when someone we love loses their job. And thank you for teaching us compassion through humbling experiences that we never dreamed we'd need/use.
• Thank you for moving my parents closer. {I can't say this enough.}
• Thank you for all the sweet moments we've had with Mr's parents. We love them dearly, and both kids light up when they see Memaw & Papaw!
• Thank you for Big D's smile & super-hugs every day. I literally don't know what I would do without them.

• Thanks for a "job" where I get to love on kiddos and teach them about the Bible!
• Thanks for strawberries, Watermelon, and corn on the cob. Summertime food favorites! <3

My Mr lost his job in February. It's been rough {and that might be an understatement}. I realize that everything is not going to be better simply because there's a job on the horizon, but I am hopeful that life will slowly turn and become a little more "normal" {If there's such a thing...at all}.

Thank you to all of you who have prayed for us during these trials. Thank you for supporting, encouraging, and lifting us up.

My cup runneth over...

{I will leave you with this song...one of my faves.}