Monday, October 7, 2013

Adoption: What NOT to say

This post was inspired by this post. So you'll have to read there first. {Soooo good, BTW.}

And please...don't mind me, but I'll be sharing some of my favorite shots of my kidlets while I ramble about adoption a bit.

A fire has been ignited in my soul over the past few weeks over this "thing" called adoption. And between a conversation I had just today and the post above, I am ready to say a few things.

What NOT to say to an adoptive momma:

{My favorite} Can't you have kids of your own?

Numero Uno - that's nonya. Nonya business. And to answer your question, we'd love to have biological children and are still young. Who knows what our family will look like when God's done with it.

Numero Dos - DON'T say this in front of MY OWN children. I don't care that they didn't grow in my belly, they are MINE. They have been from the moment I heard of them...and really have been before that, but that's another blog post. I do not, for one moment want them to think they aren't mine. And when you say that, they think it. I've already had one very confusing conversation with my sweet, curious 7 year old about what that means and why was that said and does that mean I'm not yours and will I have a different mom and daddy one day...Seriously, people. He doesn't need that. He is mine. Until the day I die, he's mine. Don't negate that with an ignorant statement. (Sorry if that stings...that conversation with D stung me, and I'm pretty sure it stung him.)

I don't understand why people adopt. It costs so much money.

And a related one - I don't go around asking for donations when I birth a child. Why do people who adopt think they can do that?

Um...all I can really do is shake my head. -_- Adoption costs are far greater than having a birth child, barring any significant health issues or hospital stays. I'm not saying I agree or disagree with this; it is what it is. Not to mention that we are giving an orphan a home. An orphan. A home. {Don't even get me started on what it would take if all of us Jesus-lovers would just get involved in adoption...again - another post for another day.}

Side note: Our adoption(s) have been cost free because they've been through the foster system, but we're not done yet. We will eventually pursue private adoption and will also be in the "fundraising" state so many of my friends have gone through. And with foster care, you have sudden family changes out of nowhere and our friends and family have been amazingly supportive through all of that with providing basic needs and whatnot. I have never bought Miss R any clothes at a store. My sister literally hands down entire wardrobes for her (which I give back for her 5th future-adopted child).

Usually people adopt after they have birth children. You're doing it backwards.

Eh...depends on how you look at it. You don't know my story. And who would ever pass up the cutest kid in your take home and literally be yours forever? Not me! One day, you could know my whole story, but for now, just take it at this: God has written our family (and will continue to do so). Mister & I always knew we would adopt. I'm adopted. I believe in adoption. But it's funny - when you open your heart to God's changing of your "plans," life always turns out way better in the end. True story.

And last, but not least - I just couldn't do what you're doing. I just couldn't.

Welp...if you're a parent and you say that to me, then you are. I'm raising 2 kids. Who cares if they share blood and DNA? They're kidlets. They're crazy and draining. They're loving and snuggley. They're totally hilarious, and to be honest...some days, they're the reason I get out of bed. But they're no different from your kids. And they don't deserve love, family, and a home any less than your biological children do.

Sure, adoption can get hard & be messy. It's not the easiest road to take (for sure!). And everyone's not called to adopt - I truly believe that. But everyone (that loves Jesus) is called to care for orphans. And there are a million ways to do that. Again...a post for another day.

Part 2 is coming: Foster Care Edition. I know you're all anxious to hear my honest thoughts on what not to say to foster parents.

Blessings, y'all. We're all in this together. We need each other.


  1. That was very well stated and adoption is NOT for everyone and only you can decide if it for you!!! The love you show and HAVE for those two children is sent from God to you and Aaron and you are just obeying God!! God bless your family and if their are more only God knows for sure!!

    1. Love you, Dianne! <3 You are so sweet, and I love working along side you.

  2. I love it Jos!! Thanks for sharing.

    1. Thank you for sharing! And thanks for being an example to all of us of what it's like to step out in faith and adopt...even if it doesn't make sense. We love the Laws! :)

  3. Great! As an adult, Aaron still gets the where did you come from question...more than you would think. Especially when people meet this parents...people just need to put their noseyness aside and think before they speak. I often want to shake people and say, you know my kids are 5 and have ears...right!?!

    1. Yes. Yes. Yes! Yea...don't even get me started on the "racial" comments that we get in our "non-racial" world...or what race it is that makes the comments - FRONT of my child. Much love to the Wildermans! <3

  4. My goodness! You definitely brought tears to my eyes this morning. The part about D asking if he'll have a new mom and daddy someday ripped at my heart strings. I just couldn't imagine Emma (same age as D) asking me something like this. Ouch! Love you guys! Wish our busy lives didn't keep us all so far apart. We need to get together soon. Emma and Gwyn love their cousins!

    1. We'd love to see you guys! We stay very busy on the weekends but if we have notice can try to see y'all (if it's not Miss R's naptime). We can't negotiate on that because, after all, you wouldn't want to meet her without a nap. I'm sure you understand, having had toddlers before. ;-) It has been far too long, though...lets do it!